; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
