did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
