yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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