you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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