i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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