the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
