Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
