the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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