yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
