My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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