One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
