So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
be right there i have to get my cape
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
