absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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