goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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