I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
