idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
