you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i now understand why vodka
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
