Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
