Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i wish my penis had a tongue
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
