he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
