Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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