you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
