I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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