so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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