you guys were way drunker than both of me
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize