I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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