how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
