in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
