i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We're too hungover to prance.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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