I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
