my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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