if i died would you start the facebook group?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
