I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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