You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
