Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
