She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
