I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
