Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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