Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
