so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
