I'm laying in your front yard are you home
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
