I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
