I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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