he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
