i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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