You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
