he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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