there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
