Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
