I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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