FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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