Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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