Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
