He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
