I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
and she was petting her beer can
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
