I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
