i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize