Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
They are going to name an STD after you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
