in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
