At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
