Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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