my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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