I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
