let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
