My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
