Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
