I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
