If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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