Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
