there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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