you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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