She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
