I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
