I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
