who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
