Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
