Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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