No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
