sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
