I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
