if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
