My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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