Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
