At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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