Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
