She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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