ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
