The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
