Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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