He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
As shirtless as possible
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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