On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
