i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's blow job season.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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