woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
